TOP SECRET DOCUMENT - Klang: The Road Home

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Keywords

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Transcript

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T.W.I.T.S. (TACTICAL WARNING OF INTERGALACTIC THREAT TO SECURITY)
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Report by: Agent K
***********TOP SECRET DOCUMENT
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EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT 1: Chuck Hackshaw
REPORT AUTHOR AND INTERVIEWER: Agent K
The first known sighting of the being that refers to itself as “Klang” was
August 15th 1959 in the United States of America. A cowboy going by the
name of Chuck Hackshaw was herding some cows in Ohio.
At approximately 19:30 hours he saw some strange lights in the sky and an
unfamiliar noise. His cows seemed to be alarmed at the sight and began to
move oddly, which Hackshaw described as a sort of four-legged tap dance.
The strange lights zoomed and buzzed in the evening sky before crashing to the
ground with a loud metallic boom. Nervously, Hackshaw headed for the cloud
of dust where the strange aircraft had fallen against the fading pink skyline.
As he was riding his horse ‘Dixie’ at the time, he
trotted towards what looked like a very strange
flying machine that had dived nose first into the
ground and now lay very still and glowing red.
He did not get far before ‘Dixie’ refused to go any
further, forcing him to go the rest of the way on foot and
take cover behind some large boulders, out of sight.
A hatch on the side of the fallen alien aircraft
suddenly opened with a low hum.
Moments later, an odd looking metal person appeared in the doorway of the
U.F.O. It was tall, with arms and a head and eyes, but some kind of strange
device for feet that looked a bit like the wheels of a tank. It was metal-like
and shiny which seemed to reflect the setting sun. Hackshaw noted a bright
red light that shone brightly above the being’s eyes and appeared to scan the
surroundings. The red beam settled on some nearby rocks that Hackshaw
TACTICAL WARNING OF INTERGALACTIC
THREAT TO SECURITY
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T.W.I.T.S. (TACTICAL WARNING OF INTERGALACTIC THREAT TO SECURITY)
was hidden behind. After what seemed like a very long time, the light beam
moved away from the boulders and swept around the area of the fallen craft
before coming to a stop on a large prickly cactus plant. The cactus was very
tall and green, and it had thick arms for branches that
were lined with long spiky thorns.
The alien seemed interested in the prickly cactus and
slowly began to move towards it. The robot then slowly
raised one of its robotic hands towards the cactus.
It was then that Hackshaw heard the voice of the
alien – a voice that could come from no human, a voice
that sounded like it came from a computer (although
Hackshaw very much admits that he has had very little
experience with computers – cowboys don’t have much
use for them, neither do cows for that matter).
The alien’s voice was rather loud as Hackshaw remembers jumping with
astonishment when the machine began to speak with human words! To the
best of his memory, and he does confess to being full of fear and wonder at this
point, the creature appeared to be speaking directly to the cactus, the words
it spoke went something along the lines of this...
The machine then reached out to grasp one of the arms of the cactus for it
seemed to have mistaken the large prickly plant as a person! It was then
that the confused alien let out an almighty yelp and shot back from the cactus
squawking loudly...
“I am Klang.
I do not mean to you harm for I simply am
passing your planet which Klang believes to be
called ‘Earth’ – it is very pretty but you humans
appear very different to how Klang imagine. I
believe it is custom for human to shake hands
when meeting for the first time. And so, allow
Klang of the planet Fendaar to shake the hand
of you, friend
T.W.I.T.S. HQ
EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT #1, Chuck Hackshaw continued.
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T.W.I.T.S. (TACTICAL WARNING OF INTERGALACTIC THREAT TO SECURITY)
“Waazho!” it cried
“Earthling hand gives Klang much ouch! Earthling
hand very sharp! Klang sensors confused!”
Very quickly, it made for the entrance of its ship, still yelling loudly with its
tank-like wheels spinning and throwing dry dirt high into the air.
“Klang will leave now, Klang shall go to planet
Saturn. Klang will visit 2nd cousin Smah-shh who
has holiday capsule there.”
Within moments, the trembling robot was inside his ship with the entrance
sliding shut behind it. Lights began to flash as a rumble of engines began to
thunder and shake the ground.
Hackshaw, ran for cover as fast as he could but turned
to see the ship whoosh into the air at great speed
leaving a trail of smoke across the moon.
The following day – with the help of a local sheriff,
agents of T.W.I.T.S went to the area Hackshaw had
pointed out as the spot where he had seen the weird
encounter between alien and cactus.
Sadly, much of the tracks made by the machine had
been blown away by the blast of the spacecraft’s
jets. The grass and cactus were scorched and blown over by a blast that must
have been made by a very powerful engine.
Hackshaw, although shaken and jittery, was a very good witness and was able
to give a very good account of what he had seen and even help T.W.I.T.S create
a drawing of what he recalled the being to look like.
We tried to interview the cows and Dixie the horse to get more details from them
but they proved useless. Why the cows appeared to tap dance remains a mystery.
T.W.I.T.S. HQ
EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT #1, Chuck Hackshaw continued.
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T.W.I.T.S. (TACTICAL WARNING OF INTERGALACTIC THREAT TO SECURITY)
Artistic reconstruction
Agency artists have been
able to create this image
of the mysterious being
from the accounts of Mr
Hackshaw and other
known sightings. Extreme
caution should be used
approaching such beings.
T.W.I.T.S. HQ
EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT #1, Chuck Hackshaw continued.
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T.W.I.T.S. (TACTICAL WARNING OF INTERGALACTIC THREAT TO SECURITY)
CONFIDENTIAL
INFORMATION
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Lots of research was carried out by Professor
Boffinsmart of the Nowittol University
Observatory. These were his findings...
The planet Fendaar can only be seen with
the most powerful telescope in the known
universe - and even then it appears as a faint
pink dot in the darkest of skies somewhere
between the North star and the belly-button
of the Great Bear, a well- known collection
of stars within the sector that scientists call
Kepler 438X.
We believe that Fendaar has 8 known moons
orbiting the planet. It is currently impossible
for humans to travel to Fendaar as the planet is
475 million light years away and that’s very,
very far indeed.
A year lasts 898 days
There are only two seasons.
Winter is very cold and summer
is very mild, a little like Scotland.
The oceans are very small.
There are eight known
moons.
Fendaar circles around a star
much like our own Sun which is
what scientists call a ‘red dwarf’,
which is cooler than our Sun and
would make the sky pink. Can
you imagine that?
WHAT IS KNOWN ABOUT THE PLANET FENDAAR?
F E N D A A R
F A C T S
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T.W.I.T.S. (TACTICAL WARNING OF INTERGALACTIC THREAT TO SECURITY)
1 2 3
F O U R
Scan being for harmful
cosmic energy using field
regulation scanning device.
Chewing rhubarb will
defend the body from
these harmful energies.
F I V E
Attempt to gain trust of alien
by speaking in its language.
Use the provided phrase books
to communicate, this will make
the alien think you mean it
no harm.
S I X
Report any information or
confirmed sightings with the
code phrase “The banana
is now ready to be peeled”
to your official T.W.I.T.S.
supervisor who will dispatch
a capture team for immediate
back up.
S E V E N
Should you be in a position
to capture the alien
yourself, alert T.W.I.T.S HQ
immediately with the code
phrase “the hippo is in the
basket.”
E I G H T
DO NOT make friends with
such beings! Any sympathy
or help given to any invaders
is a serious breach of rules
and guidelines and should be
avoided at all costs – we have
eyes everywhere!
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TOP SECRET PROTOCOL
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OFFICIAL T.W.I.T.S. GUIDANCE FOR APPROACHING AND CAPTURING
ALIEN BEINGS...
O N E
Approach all extra-terrestrial
beings with caution.
T W O
Do not reveal any weapons as
this may create panic and alarm
and cause the target to f lee.
T H R E E
Avoid direct eye contact by
wearing approved anti-light
beam, standard issue eye
shields – also known as
sunglasses.
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T.W.I.T.S. (TACTICAL WARNING OF INTERGALACTIC THREAT TO SECURITY)
If you should come face to face with the alien invader remember your Agency training!
Approach with caution, avoid eye contact and report any confirmed sightings with the
code phrase: “The banana is now ready to be peeled”.
W A N T E D

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